random: Barneyism III

“Why are you brunette and driving a cab?” - Marshall

Oh, that.

You know how it’s my dream to have sex with
at least one woman from every country on the planet?

“Sure.” - Marshall

<Barney lowers a world map in his cab>

“Wow, you’re doing surprisingly well in the Baltics.” - Marshall

So, I figured what’s the quickest way
to get around the world in 180 lays?

Lease a cab and wait outside the UN building
for hot foreign chicks.

It was the perfect plan.
There was only one small detail I didn’t take into account.

“Chicks don’t want to bang cab drivers” - Marshall

Chicks DO NOT want to bang cab drivers.

And I put a lot of work into this one.

- Barney Stinson

"Doppelgangers"

How I Met Your Mother

life: One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others

Hint: It’s the one with the cover story about how it’s completely okay, if not beneficial, to feel unease about future uncertainties, as opposed to, say, riot in the streets until sh*t gets done.

Sadly, this is a fairly common occurrence.

music: Coloring Outside the Lines

random: Barneyism III

“Guys, guys, guys, this storm is serious.
Luckily you are friends with a former Boy Scout. 
And a Boy Scout is always what?” - Ted

“Unpopular?” - Robin

“Beaten up?” - Lily

Going to the movies with his mom?

“A Boy Scout is always prepared.” - Ted

“Prepared to spend lunch in his locker?” - Robin

“Prepared to die a virgin?” - Marshall

Prepared to paint his sister’s nails?

“Prepared for emergencies.
And that’s why a week ago, when Irine was just a tropical depression…” - Ted

“You’re a tropical depression.” - Robin

"This guy got us a disaster backpack!
And a rental car that seats five, parked right outside.
We’re going to drive up to my place in Westchester where we’ll all be safe.

Boy Scouted! You’re welcome!" - Ted

Boy Scouted

life: What Is Love?

Actual Children’s Answers to The Question “What Is Love?”

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” - Chrissy, age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” - Terri, age 4

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” - Danny, age 7

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.” - Emily, age 8

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” - Bobby, age 7

“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,” - Nikka, age 6

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” - Noelle, age 7

“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” - Tommy, age 6

“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.” - Cindy, age 8

“My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” - Clare, age 6

“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” - Elaine, age 5

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt.” - Chris, age 7

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” - Mary Ann, age 4

“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” - Lauren, age 4

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” - Rebecca, age 8

“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” - Karen, age 7

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” - Jessica, age 8

life: Bckwrds

random: Barneyism II

"So, would anyone care to ask me where Nora and I are going tonight?" - Barney

“Where are you going?” - Kevin

"Booty Town, Kevin!

We are finally going to Booty Town." - Barney

“And that’s why we don’t ask him.” - Robin

"I’m thinking I’m gonna hop on the Long Thigh-land Expressway.

Stop off for a nibble at Breastport.

And then, with any luck, I’ll be pulling into the Pork Authority by midnight."- Barney

-How I Met Your Mother

art: RAW!!!

life: Dark Girls

Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo.

"My head is still in the sky, since you walked on by
I'm feelin high, got my imagination flickerin like hot flames
it's how it seems, you make me wanna ride the Coltrane to A Love Supreme
My brown lady, creates environments, for
happy brown babies, I know it sounds crazy
but your skin's the inspiration for cocoa butter
You provoke a brother we should get to know one another
I discover when I bring you through my people say TRUE, all I can say
is all praise due I thank you God for a beauty like you"

-Brown Skin Lady by Blackstar

random: How To Tick People Off

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
7. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    “DO YOU HEAR THAT?”
    “What?”
    “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”

life: New Day

Yesterday two men passed. Both changed the lives of many, in very different ways but a change nonetheless.

R.I.P. Fred Shuttlesworth March 18, 1922 – October 5, 2011

R.I.P. Steve Jobs February 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011

life: It Be Like That Sometimes

random: Betty Betty Betty.....You Slay Me

random: Barneyism

"I forgot about my BDSs." - Barney

“BDSs?” - Robin

"Bimbo Delivery Systems

You see, over the years I’ve launched a favorite of elaborate systems that are always working to get me laid.

Like my pop-up ads.

"The Stinson Missile Crisis" - Barney

How I Met Your Mother

random: Epic Conversation

music: Worst Rap Lines of 2011....So Far

2011 has been a great year as far as hip hop goes. From Section.80 to Return of Forever to Watch the Throne and numerous other efforts, there has been a lot to be thankful for. On the other end there is an exuberant amount of mediocrity going all over the place as well. I’ve heard a lot of terribleness from rappers this year. I’m sure there will be more especially since we have about three more months left in the year. But I’ve compiled a list of the 10 worst rap lines this year (so far). Here’s what I came up with.

10.) “I wonder if cupid gave your ass shots… cause I’m in love with that ass (ass ass ass ass ass etc.)” - Big Sean

Worst pick up line ever. Top 10 in that category too.

9.) “Money was an issue, but now that that’s solved… I ball, I ball… Like Kobe in the fall.” - J. Cole

I thought we were past this Jermaine. Smh.

8.) “I live in the hood, but i probably should move.” - Jadakiss

LMFAO

7.) “If I don’t do nothin’ I’ma ball… no hair.” - Lil Wayne

“Ball” and “bald” are TWO DIFFERENT WORDS. And miss me with that play on words bull sh***.

6.)”Don’t call me ‘sir’, call me ‘sir-vivor’.” - Lil Wayne

Wayne’s had A LOT of awful lines this year.

5.) “Guess who? You used to say ‘Yes boo’. Now when you say it it’s fake… test tube.” - Nicki Minaj

Okay. Nicki Minaj can fill a list of terrible rap lines herself. It’s a shame i had to narrow it down to the few you will see on this list.

4.) “With ya b*tch ass. Hit the dryer cause you’re washed… splish splash.” - Nicki Minaj

And it gets worse…

3.) “Lookin’ so pretty you’da thought i was a faggot.” - Soulja Boy

I sometime try to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was impossible to do so here.

2.) “I’m a diamond in the ruff like a baby in the trash can” - Lil Wayne

Wayne makes me angry often times. This was an definitely one of those instances.

1.) “We shine… gold cluster. That’s why your career is dead… ghostbusters.” - Nicki Minaj

I want Nicki Minaj out of the rap game. Now.

Honorable Mention: “I’m a grown ass blood” - Lil Wayne

random: " "

"I cried because i had no shoes until I met the man who had no feet."

-Anonymous

random: " "

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing"

-Edmund Burke

music: Bringing Sexy Back....Back

art: Justice League

music: Real Sh*t

music: This Is What Its Come To

I’ve been conflicted over this topic for years. That topic is the state of hip-hop. For the past several years I feel that the genre, the art form, and lifestyle itself has either been redefined or has lost sight of what it is. It’s gotten to the point where at times I don’t take hip-hop and rappers in general seriously. I’m not mad at the fact that it’s changing. Things are supposed to change. That’s progression. But I honestly feel that in a lot of cases it is regressing. It comes to be a problem to me when what we consider the greatest rapper of our day and time someone who says things like “Weezy F Baby and the F is for Phenomenal.” PHENOMENAL DOESN’T EVEN START WITH AN F! WTF??? Let’s be real. You can’t be a lyrical genius when you can’t even spell. Wayne is cool but he is appearing to me as a lyrically one dimensional rapper. Once you’ve heard one verse you’ve pretty much heard them all. There is only so many ways you can say life is a b*tch before it gets boring bruh. I digress, but nonethless, this is the state of hip hop and it is annoying. But hell what do I know. This rant is coming from a guy who is a proud Gucci Mane enthusiast, an artist that many say is the worst thing to happen to the genre in years (I have many reasons, but that’s another topic for another day). I don’t have a problem with the Soulja Boy’s and Gucci Mane’s of the world. But I do have a problem when people start to consider “Racks on Racks” the best rap song of the year and when lines like, “Hit the dryer cause you’re washed, splish splash” are considered to be lyrics of the century or at worst a great line. When the amount of snapbacks a person has validates their relevance in hip hop and when a former correctional officer raps about selling dope on his iPhone, that’s where I draw the line. Not to say that there aren’t glimmers of lyrical hope in some up and coming artists. I just feel the bar for great music and lyrical genius has changed and taken a slight, gradual, yet painful turn for the worst. Or maybe I just take music too seriously. Music is something you can relate to and feel after all. Maybe people’s feelings have changed. Nonetheless there is too much of the same type of rapper. No wonder an artist longevity is two years these days. Whatever happened to Hurricane Chris and Mike Jones? EXACTLY. They are what happens when you get too caught up in industry and fads instead of your music. I also think that the mixtape is being held to too high of a regard. So Far Gone was the best and worst thing to happen to hip hop. It changed the way we viewed mixtapes forever but at the same time caused us and rappers to put to much emphasis in it. How can you have the coldest mixtape of the year but have a bullshit album? Makes NO sense to me at all. And yet people continue to follow the same formula. no wonder album sales are plummeting. And what’s up with the simp rap nowadays?

Too many rappers, not enough artists and thinkers. The blandness in hip hop is causing me to jump on the first thing I see that’s different and dub it a classic as well as mess with an artist based on their personality instead of their actual music, which is cool but at what cost? Until it gets to where I don’t take the genre that has raised me and that I grew up with seriously? So be it. My standards for music may be high but I fell like they should be. This rant is over for now. But until rappers start becoming srtists who take their craft seriously, I’m not taking it seriously….

Zan With that Lean is the song of the summer btw. lol.

I’m interested to hear you guy’s thoughts also.

random: " "

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies. My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."

-Dalai Lama

random: Planking Ain't Nothing New

Watching Ghostbusters in the park. Sigourney Weaver, planking since ‘84.

music: The Based God

First let me make something abundantly clear, the title “I’m Gay (I’m Happy)” I think is absolute genius. Those two words together side by side in almost any format in the society we live in can be a cultural and social death sentence. And in many places in the world (even here in the good ole’ US of A) they can mean an ACTUAL death sentence. I’m talking a shanked in the shower, beat with a bat, beheaded on Friday kinda death. The best and rarest of braveries is bravery in the face of death. Let’s be honest Lil B’s album probably won’t even be commercially released in certain countries because of the title alone. I just wish he did a song called “James Baldwin” and I would’ve loved to see you twitter-lectuals and goon rules street professors argue against one of the foremost, prominent black intellectual radicals the world has ever known who just so happened to be an overt homosexual but repped the ghettos of Harlem harder than Nicky Barnes and Rich Porter combined and took the struggles and achievements of the black and impoverished experience and intellectually and dazzlingly rubbed it all in the pasty face of the oppressive power structures of the time and this time as well! I wish a nigga would!!! Don’t matter if your gay, that’s between you and your religion. All I care about is if your down for the cause. Which a LOT of hetero’s ain’t. Go figure. Now the doper thing about the title is that it exposed the raw power of words and reinforces the concept that “perception is king” in a very simple and even remedial use of homonym (no pun intended but you gotta chalk that up as a mean double entendre!) The word “gay” referring to homosexuality in the minds of the “guilty” ,as well call them here, sent shockwaves throughout our hip-hop community. Making Lil B the target of attack and ridicule. But Lil B’s ultimate intention and preference for the word “gay” was its “one who is happy” definition. So basically my lil homey was being attacked for being happy. The poetic justice in that is awe inspiring. If that don’t speak to the conditions that exist in this world and this society I don’t know what does. Hate on somebody simply because they are happy or have found happiness. How many of us are innocent of that injustice? Not many. Including me at times. Now whether Lil B did that on purpose or not is really not an issue because the reality of someone (that would be me by the way) interpreting and analyzing his album title that deeply gives merit to his action regardless of his initial intent.

-Lupe fiasco (Why I like Lil B)

random: " "

‎"Forget safety.
Live where you fear to live.
Be notorious."

Destroy your reputation."

-Rumi

random: " "

"If you’re interested, you’ll do what’s convenient; if you’re committed, you’ll do whatever it takes."

-John Assaraf

music: Speaks To My Soul

random: " "

“My conscience make comments but my demons make decisions.”
-O.Z

life: Jungle Fever

“Black men walking, with white girls on they arms
I be mad at em, as if I know they moms
Told to go beyond the surface, a person’s a person
When we lessen our women our condition seems to worsen”
— I was listening to BE (one of my favorite albums) and in the song “Real People” Common posts his views on interracial relationships. Basically he’s saying that a black women’s value is being lessened when black men decide to go outside of their race to pursue relationships and that we should try to uplift black women instead of running from them. I do not totally agree with the lyrics but he does bring up a very interesting point and it caused me to think. What do you guy’s think about these lyrics and/or interracial relationships in general? Do these lyrics offend you?

music: The Morning by The Weeknd

The Weeknd - The Morning (music video) from High5Collective on Vimeo.

This has been one of my favorite songs since this mixtape dropped. Not sure if this is the official video since The Weeknd has many of fan made videos but I love it. So I'm sharing it with yall.

me: Change

“We can’t change the world unless we change ourselves.”
—Sean Combs
(This was the corniest line ever to me until today. I was having a conversation with one of my good friends and i end up sing it about a tough situation I’m in. I didn’t realize how true it was until i used it myself which is ironic nonetheless. The thing about it is, I’m not sure how to go about changing myself in this situation. I hope I figure it out soon. Until then… I’ll keep this quote in mind.)

life: Chiraq

6-15-21. 6 Killed. 15 wounded. 21 victims in all. This was the scene on Chicago’s south and east sides on Memorial Day this year. One of the individuals shot was a 22-year old who apparently was a former classmate of mine. Chicago has emerged as a city notorious for violent behavior and it has been this way for years now.

I find it to be a damn shame that you can’t even enjoy a nice day at the beach anymore without having to fear for you’re well being because some nimrod who doesn’t know how to shoot decides to bring his gun to the beach and pop off on anyone who stares at him in a way he does not like. I’m tired of having to fear my own people, let alone having to be scared to do things I enjoy doing. I shouldn’t have to be scared to go to the beach, see fireworks on the fourth of July, walk home from school, or even ride the bus. It’s time we start taking back our communities.

But who is to blame? Essentially we are fully responsible. We sit back and let gangs and drug dealers take over our communities. It all goes back to our community. It can’t just be one person. A whole community has to stand up against this violence.A community has to pressure it’s city legislature into getting guns off of the street. A community has to put up a neighborhood watch to push gangs and drug dealers out of their neighborhoods. A community has to raise its children. You would think that we would be tired of this kind of stuff by now considering this violence has been going on for as long as i can remember but no. This bugs and perplexes me. How do we sit here and allow our children, family members, and friends die in vain? We need to start standing up for ourselves sooner or later or we’re just going to be burying the next Blair Holt or Derrion Albert sooner than we think. I for one am not trying to bury any of my friends any time soon. Are you?

Lord Bless the Dead. RIP to all the victims of that day and forever.

Let’s start taking back our communities, folks.

random: Momma Gettin Off

She wasn't playing any games.

random: " "

So avoid using the word 'very' because it's lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don't use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, guys - to woo women - and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do.

music: BOOYAH

This is why John Stewart is that dude.

random: You Don't Know Sh*t

A stranger was seated next to a little black girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her coloring book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "Since you are an Afro American, do you think that So-called President Barack Obama is qualified for the job?" and he smiles.

"OK", she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass -. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss President Barack Obama...when you don't know shit?"

life: PASSION

It ain't passion until your willing to die for it.

-Darnell Williams

random: F*ck

“Fuck” is poetic expression for the unsayable soul.

random: You Mad?

life: Stud v.s. Slut

random: 6 Foot 7 Foot 8 Foot Bunch

My favorite part

random: F*ck Puff Daddy N*igga

life: But No One Cares

Corporate tax cheats are bankrupting America.

Thanks to foreign tax havens and other loopholes, many of America's largest corporations pay ZERO taxes. Many others pay effective tax rates of less than 10% (even though the actual corporate tax rate is 35%).

If these tax cheats paid their fair share...

GE-$5.1 Billion,In 2010 GE reported US profits of $5.2 billion but got a $3.2 billion refund.

+

Bank of America-$1.6 Billion, B of A holds over $2.2 trillion in assets, and yet it pays less in taxes than the average American household.

+

Verizon-$8.4 Billion, Verizon reported $24.2 billion in pre-tax US income, and yet claimed a federal corporate refund of $4.3 billion.

+

Citi-$6.6 Billion, Citigroup has paid no taxes for the last 4 years. They were the largest recipient of bailout funds, receiving $476 billion.

=

$21.7 Billion

Then we wouldn't have to cut...

Jobs-$4.1 billion for job training unemployed and new workers.

Kids-$11.2 billion for early childhood programs.

Teachers-$4.6 billion for teacher training and after school programs.

But then again, no one cares.