life: Binding Clauses

After much self-deliberation i have concluded there is a two day grace period on all chipped polish. Random you say? Well these constructed thoughts stem from a conversation with a coworker about women I have dated. I'm not saying she gotta get em done again, just hit the polish remover.
I'm cool if my lady doesn't have her nails done all the time. Just don't let that chipped polish stay in play too long. That's fair right? It takes like 12 minutes to remove the polish. Do that while your watching "Grey's Anatomy" or "Scandle". As a former nail biter, I never judged girls with booty diggers. But I don't bite my nails anymore...and I'm a guy...sooo. As she has the right to demand that I don't walk around for a week in need my hair done, I too can mandate chipped polish cleanup rule. When yall tell yall men "baby its time for a haircut," I hope he ask if you're going pay for it or calls you an elitist. Just kidding. If my lady won't make sure I look good, then who can I trust? If I need a shave, haircut, floss, tissue or a piece of gum, please be the first to let me know. Don't have me out here looking like "who done it and why?" You know why MJ gets away with what he wears? Cus his lady never says "uuum baby. You want to stop by a tailor this weekend?" Tell your girl when she is gaining weight. The lies have cost us for far too long. And when I go one too many mini donuts over...let me know. Cus that's love. It's gonna hurt me to the core, but she did this for me. Men are trained to outright LIE to women just to keep her happy and quiet. Meanwhile, she copping major lbs. Every week. Just gaining. And we notice. But we be quiet. For peace sake. But that attraction? Dwindling. He still loves you, but yea, he wishes you hadn't gained. And vice versa. Ya man is killing cool ranch doritos by the bag. And you just watch him. Grease stains on his shirt. He is happy, so to keep the peace and his pride in tact, you lie to him and lust at some r&b singer on the BET awards. If I'm being a louse, don't let me be a happy one. Not saying nag me, but tactfully tell my fat ass to get active. I get it. After 3 kids, weight is hard to get off. After an 8 hr shift you don't wanna slide to the gym. I feel you mama. But...that's not an excuse to let it all go. TRY to maintain. Just try. I love you. I'm never going to leave. Just try though. Suffice it to say that any woman that has been heavy, and lost weight, your man remarked at how great you look now. Doesn't mean he thought you were unattractive before, he just appreciates your transformation. Likewise, if you had a bird chest when she met you, but you manage to fill out, she WILL marvel. Nothing wrong with that. Don't lie to me. If my gut is putting a hurting on my blazer buttons, call me out on that. I beg of thee. I bring mine in the dressing room with me. She gone tell me if I'm in it to win it. These are binding contract clauses.

P.S.
Call out ashy ankles and elbows too. Cus I miss spots.