There I was. Every bit of 5 years old, donned in bugle boy jeans, LA Gears and a Ninja Turtles sweater, being asked to do a set of 10 push ups. As usual, I did something that drew the ire of my uncle, and per his custom, my transgression earned me 10 push ups on the spot. The penenace for a crime I can barely remember committing. As I dipped into a culmination of push up and floor humps, he counted off each attempt. Once I managed to deliver 5 decent reps out of 10 tries (give me a break I was a toddler), I got up, and repeated the phrase that reverberates in my mind this very day.
“Thank you Uncle Tank for conditioning my mind and my body.”
Yep. The recitation of that phrase was the prerequisite for my dismissal. Cold huh? To say the least my uncle was immutably tough on his son as well as his nephew. I mean neighborhood declarations of “Dang- your-Uncle-is-mean” tough. I mean “classmates-straighten-up-even-though-its-my-uncle" tough. I mean like “every-family-member-preceeding-anything-involving-me-and-my cousins-with ‘Well you know your uncle…’” tough. Rap Music? Not a chance. Smacking at the dinner table? World War 3 and 4. Oh you wanted to get braids? Forget it. Guady chains and baggy clothes? Think again. Mini skirts on his daughter? If by “mini” you mean two inches BELOW the knee, then go right ahead, but even that was pushing it. All black and red when your outside? Go in the house and change. At one point he even banned me from watching music videos because it might teach me mysogenistic habits. Yeah it was rough. But in between the chiding and the discipline, I was always aware of one thing - Unk loved me. He loved me so much it got on my nerves. As a father, you spend countless hours fighting. Fighting to make sure your daughter understands that the salacious outfits she sees on televeision are innapropriate. You spend even more time fighting to ensure your son doesn’t look to King Larry or Dave for inspiration instead of King Jesus. It’s difficult to get your wife to believe that even though she wants “it,” and just knows that we HAVE to have “it,” that we can’t afford “it” right now. It’s a arduous burden, to say the least, but it yields rewards. For every second my uncle spent keeping a watchful eye on me, I spent an equal amount of time learning from him. I watched him sacrafice his ambitions of playing college football and possibly going to the pros to build a steady career. I saw him reassure my aunt that she was his crowning jewel, and the sole object of his affection. I saw how he made sure I understood money, even though we didn’t have much of it (I was the only kid in grammar school who kept a bank ledger.) I watched him awake at 4:30 a.m, chisle snow and ice off our car, fill it with gas and shovel the sidewalk, just so my aunt wouldn’t have to wake up a minute too early. He sank thousands into rent, food, gas, clothes etc. And yup, I was watching.
The call of duty
My uncle was one of a few who absorbed his duties with such resolve. Most of the ills that exist in society exist because of the absence of leadership…leadership that is supposed to rest on men’s shoulders. We are charged with breeding legions of faithful men that will in turn protect and nurture virtuous women. But we failed. Now many of us use our inherent power to influence a woman to make a baby we don’t intend to care for. We allow women to become contentious and promiscuous, all in an attempt to protect their hearts from our indifference or gain our affection. It’s a vicious cycle that exhibits itself at every turn. (Take a second to think: If music artist refused to flaunt women across stages and videos, do you think some women would be so inclined to do it? I digress.) Gentleman, it all comes back to our doorstep. If we are to move forward, it will start with the resurgence of the father and husband in our community. Is it difficult? Of course it is. It calls for you to submit your entire life to someone else, and then whatever is left to your seeds. And at some point, they are all going to swear that your soul purpose in life if inure them to pain and despair. But one day when you and your wife begin to grey, she’ll still love you like she did when you were 17. The kids that you goaded constantly for 18 years, will walk across a graduation stage and finally say “Thank you.” And those are the days when it fulfillment comes to fruition. So I’ll pass on a few of things that Unk taught me, and maybe you’ll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed learning it. Meanwhile, I'm going to go watch I Get Around video by Tupac simply because I can now.
Good Husband Traits
1. Know why you're called to lead.
God didn't appoint you as head of the household based on your own merits. You're not that strong, wise, or able. His might is what propels your leadership. So in all you do, look to him for direction and succes is immenent.
2. Protect.
Everyday there will external factors aimed at tearing your family apart. If your not prepared to protect against those perilous aggresions then they'll succeed. It's about more than buying ADT security. Monitor the company your wife keeps. Watch what your kids listen to and watch. And stay in prayer and listen for what your eyes can’t see.
3. Be attentive.
As you see struggle to keep focused on the big picture, its important to be aware of the needs of your most valued asset. That "sigh" meant your wife is tired and needs a little break, so let her relax. Pamper her for the weekend. And if money and circumstance permit allow, take her somewhere. Don’t let her be the one to tell you she is tired, because by then it’s too late. She was at her whits end 2 weeks ago.
4. Encourage.
Your exaltations will be the difference between raising a confident seed and one with low self esteem. Make sure the people in your house know that they are laudable, and that you're proud of them. It means a lot coming from a mother, but it means the world coming from you
5. Sacrafice.
The forfeiture of your own desires for that of your family’s is all important. The needs of your wife and children always come first. College tuition trumps the new Lexus. Purchase school clothes before you stock your own wardrobe. Take the trip to Disney World instead of Las Vegas. A true King puts the welfare of his castle above his crown
6. Be Grateful.
You know how your wife has the laundry done, lunches made, dishes washed before you even wake? And after you both get home from long days at the office she is ready to make dinner and assist with homework? Yeah that is nothing short of amazing. Make sure you tell her so regularly. Remind her that she’s the best thing to ever happen to you. Never forget, if you are giving 100 percent, she is giving 120.
7. Be In position.
Being a father and husband means being ready to protect and love your family. You can't do that if your out until 3 a.m. every weekend. There is incalculable value to your presence in the house. Go home. Watch your kids go to sleep. Be around to hold your wife when she heads to bed. It’s hard to secure your house from the VIP section of a club or a bar stool.
8. Keep it in your pants.
Sometime long ago, an over sexed misogynist spread a falsehood that it was OK for males to have extra-marital affairs. I hate to break it to you fellas but it's not OK. In fact, it's reprehensible in every sense. It’s also dangerous, disloyal, selfish etc. Now we don’t have to “sew our oats.” Yes we can “help it.” And yes a “man will be a man” but he should be one that exhibits valor.
9. Be poised.
One day your wife is going to cry and you won't know why. You're daughter is going to have her period and be inherently angry for days at a time. Your son's vascilating testosterone is going to inspire him to challenge your authority. And you have to take it all in in stride, with aplomb and mercy. When presented with such an situation, your response should be to provide a reassuring hug and a kiss on the forehead. Reserve the indignant anger for another day
10. Be Resolute.
No woman wants a weak man. Being strong has nothing to do with your physical prowess. Have the resolve to stand firm in your decisons, and be sure that those decisions are rooted in good principle. You’ve been entrusted with the welfare of the entire family. How can you handle such an arduous task if your not strong enough to make a prudent decision.
R.I.P. Anthony Kennard Sr. aka Uncle Tank.....thanks
